Been so long since I last posted but don't worry only good things have occurred and nothing even remotely close to the drama in my past. I will say 4 years post break up with my sons father, I m still dating, still haven't found the man who could convince me to enter a relationship. Wait, I lie, there was one man. We met on a dating website and we dated briefly in 2011. He was and still is a wonderful guy, intelligent, stand up , confident, dapper, exceptional father of a little girl. Everything a girl could want, I'd say, except back then I couldn't accept that this wonderful man was so good to me, and wanted to be with me. I was a skeptic, I was confused, I was still harboring some pain and anger from my last relationship and I was definitely defensive and expectant of the worse. We had such great chemistry, I recall during our first date we felt so comfortable with each other. There was no awkwardness, we laughed and we clicked. It was refreshing to meet someone that made me feel so relaxed and at peace.
Refreshing and yet at the same time I was a skeptic, in disbelief of good men actually existing, of good men gravitating towards me. I was such a skeptic that I ruined the potential of that relationship, didnt actually sabotage it but it became so difficult for me to accept his being soo good to me that I broke it off. And when I say "good", you will laugh because this guy did nothing out of this world, in fact he did very minimal and simple things, like buy me a birthday card which caused me to cry. Never had a partner of mine ever taken the time to pick out a birthday card, write a nice note in it and give it to me . NEVER. Isnt this so truly sad? Something so simple as a birthday card. SMH. This guy just cared, he was affectionate, communicative, honest, he was everything I had asked God to send me in a man, except it wasnt the right timing. I wasnt in a space to be the girl he deserved. So I let him go. I realized that there was still so much work to do within myself. I needed to learn to trust again, I needed to learn to love me and know my worth, to complete rebuilding my life, picking up the pieces from where I had left off so many years ago. I had alot of work to do, and I didnt think it was fair to drag him through all that and waste his time.
I can now say that I am more willing to accept what may be in store for me, in these past four years Ive learn to read the red flags on people and walk away, to not deal with the bullshit nor the drama, and simply remove myself from the picture. Ive learned to laugh at the jokes life plays on us sometimes, to brush things off my shoulder and not dwell on them so much, to move on and unto the next, and always keep a positive outlook and a burning flame of hope within my heart. Because I still believe in love, I still believe there are good men out there, and I still believe that someday I will find the one meant for me.
